As we come up to the 3 year anniversary of the Global Economic Crisis (GEC), TWK tries to make sense of the world wide ‘crash’ which has obliterated peoples Savings, Homes, Itineraries, and Time, leading to nothing but supposed ‘hatred’ for the people that keep their money safe at night – Bankers!
We propose a different source for the recession.
TWK co-correspondent Chris White takes up his personal storyventure:
“When the initial news came that we here in the midst of a world wide depression my wife instantly phoned the doctor and asked for an immediate prescription of prozac. I put the phone down for her and said “no, not that type of depression”, and we ventured out into night to the next bar and got absolutely mortalled on jaegarbombs and kebabs”.
“Clearly we had no idea of the scale of the problem but something stirred deep in our hearts and brough horrible flashbacks to pre-bust days ”
The initial problem was merely compounded by an obsession with re-runs of the infamous cult TV programme ‘The Money Programme’ between 1996 and 1999. “One night me and my pregnant wife replayed the theme tune about 46 thousand times, because it literally depicted the seriousness of the historical macro economical situation within 30 seconds, no-one has ever touched our lives in such a way” Chris professed. ”the theme tune alone sets the scene for a true fiscal soap opera”.
Little did they know that the jazzed-up thememaster crebation tune was subliminally entering the mind of their to-be born son (named Daniel) whilst he was sleeping in his mothers womb, leading to effects that can only be described as ‘extraordinary’.
“By the time Daniel was 5 years old he had surpassed the ability to play avant garde jazz on the piano whilst simultaneously being able to calculate complex stockmarket related logarithms”. Chris continues “At 6 he was managing our incomes and bank accounts and had floated several companies onto the stock exchange!!”.
His pièce de résistance; however, was created using something more basic – a jumped-up red pre-generation ipad powered only only by a stilo, fingers and aluminium powder. It was utilised by millions around the world not flippant enough to purchase paper, pencils and erasers on a whim. We refer, of course, to the ‘Etch a Sketch’. The gravity of his little depiction on the ‘cry pad’ in 2005 was scary……very SCARY, and mirrored those market ‘crashes” actually witnessed three years later in 2008.
“During the early 2000′s it hadn’t even crossed my mind until now, but when i picked up my son’s etch a sketch pad it was a futuristic almanac right there in front of my eyes, pathing the way for inevitable hatred for the banking system. Hindsight is a wonderful thing”.
What Chris’ son had actually done was predict the EXACT current economic trend three years before reality.
“Now it all makes sense, before he went to bed at night little Daniel had uncontrollable urges to paraphrase from that well known movie The Sixth Sense – all he kept saying was “i see unemployed people!”.
In a cruel twist of fate and conversely, the Nostradamus – esque qualities of the boy also predicted increased viewing figures for the Jeremy Kyle show, which actively celebrates diatribes of dysfunctional debate amongst the unemployed in the UK. Viewing figures are up, as reported today, by 7.4% totalling 2.67million.