The halcyon days of lounging around listening to music, eating vast swathes of food, drinking cocktails on beaches full of naked whores and smashing plates/throwing donkeys off of churches could all be coming to an abrupt end in Southern Europe. Foreign correspondent Andrew Brown reports from the hedonistic Mediterranean lands:
Austerity measures are currently being drawn up to form some kind of system whereby the electorate pay towards the running of the state rather than leaving the workaday northern Europeans to bail them out once they have run out of hard cash.
It is understood that Northern Europeans are becoming increasingly annoyed with the Southern European states for staying out late on week nights, not coming home at all on some weekends and also making a lot of noise while the Northerners are trying to sleep and have to get up for work in the morning.
While continually frittering away money and coming back to ask for more has seemed like a workable system of management for the lazy Southerners it is now untenable at best and the Southerners fear they may actually have to get a job. Moreover, they fear that they have to part with some of that conceptually inaugural ‘hard-earned’ money to make sure that the country can afford to keep running.
One kebab shop owner, Mr Drunkos, complained, “I do not know what this means to me and my family. Perhaps we must open tomorrow. Maybe two days in a week. So maybe only five days in a week are we drunk, not six, not seven. No more. This, my wife, she says no more smashing. I can no more run down the street throwing plates at a children. No smashing. What do you do when no smashing? Here, we drink. But no drinking. You get out now. I cut your face. Chillimintsauce!”
Across the whole of Southern Europe the inhabitants are set to begin the suffering imparted by the lack of any form of government or good management. So how did it get to this level of tax avoidance, how did the economy get into such a two and eight that the morale of every Southern European is lower than a Sun Reporter? It is understood that a master plan is hatching with a new Premier appointment likely as England dithers on whether or not to appoint Harry Redknapp as its new Prime Minister.