Tag Archives: Andy B

Weasels Add Stickman

Weasel News is a bit slow recently because we have been busy with practicing with our new and improved line-up. Now with 50% extra Personage the New-Look-Weasel line-up is now more rust-proof than ever and with the addition of Pro-Argen-Baldy the new formula is ready to take the world of commerce by storm.

Now here’s the science bit: the addition of Pro-Vitamin Bald1 increases the tensile strength of the fibres that connect our collective consciousness to produce a fabric that is super-absorbent, flexible and strong. Also the maligned threesome is 50% whiter due to injected familial strains of genetically modified Chris. The band is now fully FDA approved and will encroach upon your audible sensibilities within the near future. This will only serve to benefit mankind and its evolutionary path.

Mr Bald is now installed as ‘STICKMAN’ so he is now comprised of several thinly drawn lines and a sort-of-drum-kit. It’s the best sort-of-drum-kit magic beans can buy.

Weasels Add New Stickman – and drummy stuff

Further to the integration of additional PV-Bald1 another movement has been made, it was a bowel movement and as it has now ceased there is no need to mention it further.

The Weasel Kickers are indeed looking forward to their next gig (although the date remains fluctuant, but we must be ‘right’ for it like the pontificating pansies we are) and thoughts about fully re-recording the new album are well under way. Expect to hear news on this front very soon. That’s right, in the not too distant future we will be telling you more about stuff you really don’t care about in order to break up your day a bit.

Same Shirt Different Day – Yes, it is deffo being recorded!

We’re so rock and roll we have been registering on seismometers for the last decade.

Bear with us and we will be back on the radar very soon. Like a big smudge on your windscreen.

Outbreak Of F&%king Tourette’s due to Train

Mystery Outbreak Of Tourette’s At US School

SHORT NEWS: Erin Brockovitch Spill is Polluting Students Minds - An outbreak of Erin Brockovitch eco-paranoia is sweeping across New York it is reported. The Government fears this could lead to a further outbreak of the over-zealous over-conservative and self-congratulating, self-preserving ‘specialists’.

Government officials and scientists have identified that pollution from a train spill has definitely not caused a fucking outbreak of pretend Tourettes in a cocking school, so slag off. However, this has not stopped continual campaigning by Brockovitch to create work for pretend specialists to endlessly speculate upon for vast sums of public money.

Professor Andrew Brown of Sodov University has slammed remarks that this is in anyway real, “F%$k you news man.”

Contaminated Land Specialist Rusty Bullethole did not respond but sat in a corner rubbing his hands together mouthing the letters P, F and I over and over again.

New York Kids – too much GoodFellas

‘Small’ Turnout Disrupts Kiwi Hobbit Casting Session

http://uk.movies.yahoo.com/police-called-to-the-hobbit-casting.html

’Small’ turnout disrupts Kiwi Hobbit Casting

TWK were surprised recently to hear from colleagues in New Zealand when the local populus went “bat-shit crazy” at a local casting session for a new movie, affectionately referred to locally as “The greatest event to grace New Zealand mate”.

New Zealand – gives Photoshop a workout

Almost 5,000 hopefuls descended upon the casting arena, a small racecourse off Whakapootee Way, in Charleston. They visited hoping to be rewareded with a big part in the movie. TWK band members Rusty Bullethole and Andy Brown didn’t partake in the procedings, but watched the madness unfold from a nearby motorway.

Andy B reported “its like mass hysteria down there, the biggest gang-bang to take place amongst the smallest people on the planet. You could place your thumb at arms length and cover a thousand people”.

Latest reports suggested that one vertically challenged hopeful from Italy was offended when the Director of the forthcoming movie hollered across the crowd “somebody get me an 18 inch guiseppe”. The dwarf later realised that the Director was, in fact, asking for a pizza after a long day behind the cameras. Guiseppe was quite relieved after this mix-up as his timid 3 inches was “never going to be enough”.

Government officials are concerned as to what will happen to the amount of discarded wannabe-hobbits post audition but the news of a new Wombles film to also be shot in the area has alleviated fears.

The Wombles – creating job opportunities for Hobbit rejects

Council Compensation Claimants in Bodge-up Row

TWK were made aware this lunchtime of the rising demand for education in clamaint culture, with pupils exercising their right to compensate their own purses from the taxpayers money.

One pupil, affectionately referred to as ‘Bezza’ from an un-named school said “i can sit ‘ere yeah and hear teachers spouting rubbish yeah, or i can slip on my backside ova there yeah and earn a few wonga, deffo meks sense yeah”.

Anti-Compensation Culture Sign: more needed in and around deeper puddles.

The statement above comes soon after the local Council published figures publically which pointed a proportional rise in claimants, when drawn on a graph against the population of Canis lupus in Uganda.

TWK band member Rusty Bullethole stated in a post-dinner lunchtime statement:

“I recently attended a parents evening, lead by the resident maths teacher Desmond ‘Socrates’ Moment, where it was clear that compensation culture was rife. One parent stated they had claimed for £8,651 and 89 pence, and were now dining out on a 80 pound turkey for Christmas. This was counter-acted by another parent who had recently bought a new ford focus zetec model by accummulating numerous payments of compensation over a 25 year period.”

Mere violence then ensued when the maths teacher told them that “pythagoros once professed that there is a triangle in every corner, and you will both end-up locked in a vicious circle” ; the parents baffled by the obvious geometric problem.

Screams could be heard from the rising madness at the PTA meeting. Intermittent statements of “it doesnt even make sense” could be heard from within the echoey school gym.

A spokesman from other TWK band member Andy Brown said “this sort of mindless violence is to be expected. You don’t play with fire, do you? You dont mix nitro with glicerine do you? You dont combine zumba with salsa, and expect to get away with it. An ‘eye for eye’, thats what I say”

TWK will follow up this story when the violence stops and more claimants come forward to obtain ridiculous sums of money.

Weasel Kicker Practice Goes On

Brave band members Andy B and Rusty B will soldier on tonight despite fears that temperatures in the UK could reach ‘quite cold’. Armed to the teeth with gloves, scarves and various other items of clothes the boys will not let this ‘chilly spell’ stop them working away on the forthcoming releases and also will not falter in their attempts to practice for the next gig.

Weasel Member (as his friends call him) Rusty Bullethole explains, “Yes I understand that temperatures might be as low as very cold. Maybe we’ll practice in the house tonight.”

When confronted with the conundrum in the early hours of the morning fellow Member Andy B also commented, “f&*k off its 5 int morning.”

The Weasel Kickers practice is broadcast tonight live from the 2nd storey window.

The Weasel Kickers go WordPress

The Weasel Kickers – "Shit Band, No Fans"

Not sucking the cock of the music industry