Another excuse for thinly veiled racism as patriotism

Roving reporter Rusty Bullethole hasn’t really seen or heard the news about the Woolwich ‘Madmen’ but has instantly been drowned in vague statements about how everyone should ‘just go home’. Rusty spouts off all over your newsface once more. Having been subjected to ‘local’ radio (yes, it sends shivers down … Continue reading

The Tea Little Pigs by Nick and Louise

Once upon a time in a cafe there on the table was a 3 dimensional marketing leaflet describing idyllic times when tea was refined and those that drank it sat on large decorative chairs with a comfort only fit for a regal leader. The story promotes the wondrous tale of … Continue reading

No Batman, No Vote, No Point

Having been an interesting week in the UK people have, or mainly haven’t, been voting on something which they have no idea about, don’t care about or in the main, see little point in talking about let alone having as a system of governance. Rusty Bullethole remonstrates. The Police. They … Continue reading

Nottingham – Chav Density Increasing

Every Urban Centre appears to have at least one major ‘Chav’ area where the population density of the Chav far outweighs that of the Yummy Mummy, Volvo Family or the Ben-Sherman-Money-Clip Wide-Boy. Roaming diplomat and sex piston Rusty Bullethole bleats about the latest figures on Chav Density. Nottingham and its … Continue reading

Celebrity Deaths – Not What They Used To Be

Plane crashes, motorbike smashes, Bermuda triangle mysteries, the slamming of a mini into a tree and of course the inevitable glamorous assassination have all been fantastic ways for many a past celebrity to enjoy a good death. Are celebrities becoming complacent in their deaths? Rusty Bullethole ponificates: It seems apparent that the inevitable … Continue reading

Southern Europeans Urged to Work

The halcyon days of lounging around listening to music, eating vast swathes of food, drinking cocktails on beaches full of naked whores and smashing plates/throwing donkeys off of churches could all be coming to an abrupt end in Southern Europe. Foreign correspondent Andrew Brown reports from the hedonistic Mediterranean lands: Austerity measures … Continue reading

Snow Way – Sensationalism Hits New Heights

It doesn’t matter how much snow there is or whether temperatures actually drop to cold or not, all of the newspapers this week will warn of an imminent ‘Big Freeze’ substituting science for conjecture and reality with hype it seems this week could prove pivotal in the race for the … Continue reading

Outbreak Of F&%king Tourette’s due to Train

Mystery Outbreak Of Tourette’s At US School SHORT NEWS: Erin Brockovitch Spill is Polluting Students Minds - An outbreak of Erin Brockovitch eco-paranoia is sweeping across New York it is reported. The Government fears this could lead to a further outbreak of the over-zealous over-conservative and self-congratulating, self-preserving ‘specialists’. Government officials … Continue reading

Council Compensation Claimants in Bodge-up Row

TWK were made aware this lunchtime of the rising demand for education in clamaint culture, with pupils exercising their right to compensate their own purses from the taxpayers money.  One pupil, affectionately referred to as ‘Bezza’ from an un-named school said “i can sit ‘ere yeah and hear teachers spouting rubbish yeah, or i can … Continue reading

Sportsday Live – Transfer Deadline Day

No Movement for Weasels on Deadline Day – official statement from WeaselOffice. Despite the cold it seems that transfer rumours are rife although there has been an unambiguous statement from the WeaselOffice. Early season rumours of various movements in and out of the weasel fold were today quashed like a … Continue reading